A Little Bit Of Change Goes A Long Way

I moved. To Ottawa. (from Toronto) And something happened to me. I'm not sure if it's simply the change of pace, maybe I was bored and therefore lazy by happenstance when in Toronto, but I seem to have become a different person. In the best possible way. I had slumped into a degenerate type of person; unhappy, unwilling to change, unsuccessful in about every form of life possible (love, work, friends, you get it...). I had become "un".

But let me tell you, if ever you want to change yourself, do it. I wasn't sure why I'd become so uncaptivated by the world, but I knew it was something I needed to dissipate. So I made a choice of moving. This may have seemed drastic to people who knew me, but to me living in one place for nearly a decade, with no chance of moving forward, it was drastic of me NOT to leave. That makes zero grammatical sense. Just go with it.

My seemingly quick decision has been the best thing for me. I've only lived in Ottawa for one month, and already I'm more social, more exhuberant, I've done more with my time and seen my family more. I have an amazing place (that's not costing me my first child) and I'm making sure to give myself the pleasures I've never allowed myself in the past.

Which brings me, not so directly, to my point of writing this entry. Do what makes you happy. Don't second guess yourself. Go with your instinct and pursue it without regret. Find ways in your life to give yourself happiness. What more is there to being, except trying to create bliss.

Here is a selection of activities/things I've done/given myself:

• a haircut

• new, FANTASTIC glasses

• two screenings to films that I've thoroughly enjoyed thanks to my dear friend (21 Jump Street and The Hunger Games [which I hope to review here once I've finished the book])

• bought a couch!

• rode OC Transport (trust, it's an event of excellent and terrible attributes occurring at the same time and thus deserves recognition here)

• started a new job!

• made a new friend (she is my life twin. It's weird, people)

• decorated my kitchen, office, and library. Yes, I gave myself a library.

• got an iPhone. Rock on.

• going to a concert for Said The Whale ( hasn't happened yet, but I never did shit like that before and I'm super stoked for it, so it gets an early mention)

So morale of the month of March: create bliss in your life.

The Scorpion Driver

The story of The Scorpion and The Frog opens with a dilemma; Frog needs to cross the river and the only one to help is Scorpion. Being a nice creature, Scorpion offers to carry Frog across the river on his back. Frog is hesitant. He tells Scorpion that he is worried he will be stung and die. Scorpion reassures Frog by pointing out that if he stings Frog, and Frog dies, Scorpion will drown under the weight of Frog's body. Frog agrees and the two journey across the river. A short while later, Scorpion stings Frog. While the two drown, Frog manages to ask Scorpion why he would sting him, if surely that meant his own demise. Scorpion responds that it is his nature.

During the opening credits of Drive, I realized I was watching a film which would be combining multiple stylistic features. Whether this would prove noteworthy, or just a shamble of too many ideas that couldn't make it to the cutting room floor, I would soon discover. Within the first ten minutes of the film, I had already been privy to an interesting aspect of a heist chase, eighties style opening credits (endearing for someone like me...), and the beginning of a film noir piece. All excellent styles of filmmaking, and in someway, all working perfectly well together.

Typically judgemental as I am, I did instantly think how awesome this film would be if directed by Michael Mann. As the helicopter shots zoomed through the streets of LA, I called back to the saturated film of Collateral, thinking that Drive might benefit from a more visually integral director. Okay, let me explain myself to everyone who's seen the film and is currently throwing tomatoes at me through the screen. It was the first TEN minutes, I had no idea who Nicolas Winding Refn was before Drive, and I had no idea what the next 110 minutes would be. During minute 11, Refn had me in every way a director can.

The greatest feat as a director (from a viewer's point of view) is if the style of the film becomes secondary and the essence of the emotion, the action, the drive of the characters is primary. Refn succeeded in bringing forth the importance of the story. Refn balanced the darkness and stoic nature of film noir, with the brutality of an action film, while underlying a sincere loneliness between Gosling and Mulligan.

The film Drive, and the brilliance of Refn's directing, cannot be discussed without delving into the dichotomy of Gosling's character. The film itself is a dichotomy of style, but Gosling channels an unprecedented duality of stoic heroism and shocking violence. The man who is passionate about helping others, the rescuer of damsels, and he truly cares for those people in his life. Shannon (played by a brilliantly subtle Bryan Chranston) as his unlucky mentor, Irene (Mulligan) as the endearingly naive love interest, and her young son Benicio (Kaden Leos), are figures that Gosling dedicates himself to protecting at any cost. The desire to help these characters, as with the Scorpion's desire to aid the Frog, leads the driver's true nature to arise. The violence Gosling captures is only affected by the constant desire of love for those he is helping. Although the luck of the draw may never fall in his favour, Gosling's unnamed character will break through any barrier to make those he cares for safe, even if those actions lead him to the very true nature he embodies; that of violence.

The moment that sold me on Gosling's performance was the emotion emanating through his stare at Mulligan after he kicks a man's skull in, in an effort to protect her. She sees his true essence, but his incomprehension of her fear leads you to believe he doesn't understand his wrongdoings. He sees his violence as a means to an end, and the confusion as to why someone would look at him in horror when he regards his actions as that of love, solidified my admiration for Gosling's talent. He captured the stoicism and horrific nature of the driver, a true Scorpion.

I'm glad the film was transferred from being labelled a blockbuster to that of an independent film. The underlying essence of the film is captured through silent moments and the grainy, hard-hitting style of film noir was much more presented through smaller production companies than it would have been through larger corporate companies. Had Paramount, or Universal gotten their paws on Drive, it would have been directed by Mann (not a bad thing, just not fitting for the overall style of the film) or hype up the action and violence instead of digging in to the duality of the character. There would have been no film noir, no quiet moments, no long pans on Gosling that left an eerie sensation in me. The film would have been thirty minutes shorter and Gosling would probably have a spunky sidekick. The right production companies got on board, with the right actors, and the perfect director. Each cog in the machine of Drive created a production I couldn't have asked for anything more.

**Photo Credit www.collider.com // Gosling with director Refn

Champions In Their Own Right

If you are to take any advice from me, take this: Experience moments in which you are unsure and naive. In no way am I condoning thrill seeking or doing a dangerous activity. I simply wish to pass on the joy of living in a moment where you normally would not have tread. And take advice from people you trust.

This is all attempting to explain my joy of today. And actually, the entire TIFF 2011. In my first year of going to the festival, I would be shallow (I’ll admit it!) and only see those films that have the biggest buzz - and not the good buzz. The buzz derived from a big name. My second year I spent so much effort attempting to discover different types of film. Since I was unemployed and volunteering, I had more time to dive into the program. However, I was consistent in being drawn to the names. I did make a point to see a foreign film (which is something I suggest every do. Just see one foreign film), and for these films see my postings from 2009. It’s a small selection of my viewings.

My third year took me in a different direction. I started listening to others and just going to see anything. This took me to one of my favourite films that A told me to see with her. I got a ticket last minute and when I sat down to watch it, I was blown away. I doubt I’ve laughed so genuinely and for so long during any film. I was eternally grateful for her bringing me to The Trip. Seriously, go see this film! ...Now.

Now we are brought to today. This entire festival started for me on Day 3. I had no idea what was playing, what any film is about, who is supposed to be here, what director is up and coming. I was a blank slate and I decided to go for whatever was good for time considering I’m working ninety per cent of the festival. So the first three films just came about from setting out to see any film and I was incredibly satisfied. But my happiest moment was when I ditched today’s possible agenda and took someone’s advice. While waiting for Like Crazy to begin, my Film Festival Goddess Friend (FFGF) asked me what else I wanted to see. So I told her I didn’t know, just to see her advice (which has never steered me wrong in the past). And in the midst of her listing credential films, the title Undefeated came up. Upon curiosity, FFGF broke it down by explaining, “It’s season 4 of Friday Night Lights”.

Done.

Holy Crap. This documentary has the most solid narrative and emotional strength I have ever experienced in a theatre. The connectivity the two filmmakers, Daniel Lindsay and TJ Martin, created had me in tears from ten minutes in. Undefeated is the film that everyone needs to know. Spread the word and shout it’s name. I will not indulge in repeating the events here. This is a film that needs to be experienced first hand. It captured moments in these lives that will have you cheering the team on, cringing when a tackle hits hard, crying when the boys struggle and wanting so much for them to achieve. Both Lindsay and Martin embraced techniques that were rooted within themselves in order to achieve certain heartbreaking moments on screen. Natural instinct - and 500 plus hours of shot footage selected down to a very solid two hour film - created an ambiance within each frame.

Upon hearing the boys had never shot a football game, I was astonished to see the quality of their work take on so much energy. Martin stated that they had a learning curve when shooting the games, and that with each one they consistently grew in ability and knowledge. The power comes from their point of view; opting out of the bird’s eye overview to find the true emotion in the game, which came from the sidelines. With only three cameras present at any game (five during playoffs), it was astonishing to see the coverage of the sport as well as the intensity. High school matches don’t have the same immensity as National, and even College, so placing the camera in the emotional zone (the coaches pacing strides along the sideline, the frantic searching for a fumbled ball, right in the midst of a play on the field) forced the audience to feel their triumphs and their pain.

Even if you despise football (firstly, I’m sorry, but we can’t be friends...), go see Undefeated. It may not convert you to the sport, but the film is much more than the games. This film is more emotionally captivating, more dedicated, more frustrating, more driven than anything I have ever witnessed.

I Love You Like Crazy

The story about love is better told in segments; broken up as memories. The good overshadowed by shouting, demands, jealousy. In the film Like Crazy, Anna (Felicity Jones) and Jacob's (Anton Yelchin) relationship is told through impeccable editing and silent moments of emotion. The film portrays the innocence of blossoming love as it occurs in reality. The stolen glances are so poignant, they demand attention above the beautiful dialogue. Although Anna's writing puts my finest prose to shame ("The halves that half us into halves"), I could not tear my attention away from Yelchin's gleaming eye-line and Jones's youthful sincerity.

Both actors encompass the journey of longing, love, jealousy, jaded anxiety, exhaustive annoyance, exuberant playfulness and overall struggle with communication. There were moment during the film when I felt connected to each snapshot of their on/off relationship. My only disconnect being I'm not British (damn...) and therefore I do not have a problem with my Visa. Other than Anna's citizenship issues, I became emotionally invested through my similarities to her character. Every gesture in Anna's incommunicado armory made me cringe for each of my exes.

If you have never seen yourself act in a horrible manner, I suggest you find the film that speaks to you as Like Crazy did me. I saw myself as my ex did and felt excruciating pain for him. Even I was perpetually annoyed with Anna when she pulled the oh-so-common girl shrug when she wanted her man to read her mind. I myself have weaponized that shrug to maim and torture (Not on purpose, of course...). Anna has made me wish for 2 things:

1) I wish to apologize to any man I have ever been in a relationship with.

2) Although I have started on this track for the past year, I wish to never be THAT girl again. I shall forever remember this film if I ever succumb to the need to be petty and spiteful again.

So, Thank You Anna.

Now the film was not depressing, anxious, or self loathing. In fact, Like Crazy portrays the heartbreaking with the joyful side by side. A portrayal that is truthful and performed with such sweetness and sincerity that I wanted to hug both characters, just for adversing through so much pain in order to live glimpses of happiness. With any story of love, it's a merry-go-round of emotions. Never ending, and if it's all worth it, never getting off.

In Between Viewings

First film of the day complete (Review Upcoming) and over lunch with my dear Film Fest Goddess of a friend, I deduced that I'm not in a bad position with my life. Hold on to your stetsons, this is going to be one of THOSE posts...

This is what I'd like to do. This , right here. What I'm accomplishing today makes me feel like I'm truly accomplishing. Although it may seem pathetic, I'm on the path. It may be dirt at this moment, but I see in the future gravel, then stone, and far along those years, concrete will support my feet on this journey to success. My own success. The name in print, the links to my blog, the acknowledgement that I have creativity and wit from others that don't include myself and my mother.

Today is my Day Off. So in the middle of the festival, I challenge myself to see as many films as I can. So far, one down (Like Crazy) and Two more on the horizon. Hoping for a third. In the end of this corridor, I hope to review each film, so look forward to that gentle viewer. No time to waste, off to Bell Lightbox 3.

'Til Next Time!

Take This Waltz, Take This Waltz. It's Yours Now. It's All That There Is,

There aren’t many films that delve into the inner workings of relationships and the hardships they ensue that do not make me feel a worse person for seeing it. Take This Waltz is a film about Margot (Michelle Williams) who lives a charming, yet passionless life with husband Lou (Seth Rogen) and finds herself unwittingly drawn to neighbor Daniel (Luke Kirby). Margot’s emotional betrayal of her husband is not what makes me feel less guilty; the honesty surrounding the three characters created by write/director Sarah Polley is an unseen portrayal of a cinematic affair.

Michelle Williams’ unbelievable performance occurred in last year’s Blue Valentine where the broken marriage took the life out of her character. Gladly, she did not simply repeat the performance for this particular troublesome relationship. I became connected to her subtly in Take This Waltz, which I give credit to the subtly of the role in general. Her restlessness in regard to Rogen’s distracted nature is not overplayed and there was a consistent emotional connection, even through to the end.

What took me by surprise was the performance by Rogen. He portrays THAT man. The man who, by no fault of his own, is content with his life, believes nothing will alter the peaceful existence and is in a moment of bliss with the woman he loves, unaware that his actions of nothingness are destroying her. William’s underlying restlessness plays throughout the entire film, climaxing in emotional betrayal of her husband. In a refreshing aspect to this played out tale, it is only after she leaves her husband when she awards herself the carnal actions of a lonely woman. Upon discovering his wife’s betrayal, the culmination of emotions Rogen emanates into a direct frame of his face is a moment I would not have expected out of the recognized comedian. Kudos to Polley for not only creating a moment of honesty on screen, but for not spoon feeding the audience with over analytical dialogue that would have only been trumped by the performance Rogen gave in those two minutes of heart wrenching emotion.

In a small sidebar, I would like to point out that never do I enjoy watching a film shot in Toronto. The city is most commonly used as a gimmick or it seems uncomfortable and foreign to watch the characters act out their lives in the streets where I live. However, production designer Matthew Davies utilized the city in a manner I have never seen captured. As Polley pointed out in the Q&A after the showing of the film, she enjoys the colourful nature of Toronto and wanted to show the city in that light. Mostly portraying the Annex, the brightness of the city popped on screen, yet never overshadowed the mis-en-scene. Subtle, yet beautiful. A growing motif in this review.

The film itself does what is not entirely expected. I do not want to be a reviewer who gives every plot point away to an unsuspecting audience, so I won’t go any further than saying I am glad Take This Waltz did not end in the typical fashion. It ended as honestly as it began, with pure emotion from the characters and with no need to simplify the subtext with extenuating dialogue. Granted, I left the theater not fully satisfied, but I’ve come to terms. In truth, I welcome the change of a film that did not end up the way I believed, or wanted, it to. Many may think the film does not fulfill what it was grasping to accomplish in the final thirty minutes. Yes, the last quarter was not as satisfying as the first three, but with that being my only criticism of the film, I believe it a success. The film was directed smoothly, performed honestly, and designed beautifully.

THE RANT: I Don't Think Myself Better, But I Am**

This week I had plans to write about a specific topic. It was all laid out. But no longer. Since the city has been overrun by starlets and flash photography, I wanted to give a few comments in regard to my love and hate for this annual festival of film.

I wish I was here for the time when TIFF was subdued. Subtle. Now I spend ten days suffering from screaming girls, obsessed fans, and gushing stalkers. No offense to the people who embody these traits...

Actually, yes offense! It may be that no one particularly reads this, or that I just watched the film "God Bless America" last night (trust me, you'll get the reference soon enough), but screw making sure people are not upset by my words. This is my time to rant.

I am bored of people fawning over the rich for reasons outside my understanding. I try to understand what makes people gush. Is it the fortune? The good looks? The... nope. I can't think of another reason. I won't hold myself on a pedestal and claim I don't get a little jump in my stomach when I lay eyes on a particularly naturally enhanced looking human being (but I do that year round, and not just for film stars). I can get star struck like the rest, but I will give myself decency and not imagine a life in which we're pals, that seeing the famous from across a red aisle gives me any superiority to those who stay home and could care less. I will not waste my precious moments of life trolloping around town in order to catch a glance of $150 of a $750 haircut.

And this is not a comment on the $750 haircut; they hold talent in some shape or form and I will defend them for that. This Rant is about my incomprehension to the fact that in a Festival dedicated to FILMMAKING, I hear nothing all week from the masses about actual filmmaking. I challenge the newspapers to create one line of TIFF related comments about films, and not the crazy world of superstars and red carpets. Let's have at least one column in a Toronto daily that rates filmography, not fashion style. Who cares where Pitt or Gosling ate lunch yesterday? Were their films any good? Are they worth a look, when they come out nationally in 2 WEEKS? Are they giving Q & As to their long awaiting fans, and what did they have to say about their films?

The moments of the Festival I cherish are those that occur organically and create a fun story to tell later in life. Imagine sitting over a beer and listening to your friend lead you down a path of excited speech and exaggerated hand gestures only to hear that after the four hours of waiting in a big crowd, the climax of the tale is that So-And-So waved in their general direction. I'd have rather sat in a theatre and watched a quality film instead.

And that's what I choose to do with the Festival. I will concede and say that to each his own; if a glance from someone who will never know who you are is all you need in life, then by all means soak it up for the next 8 days. I choose different. I choose to spend my days sitting in theaters with like minded people. With the directors, and cinematographer, and producers who give those people life. Plus, while you waited in a crowd aching for a glimmer of starlight, I watched while one actor walked on stage late for a Q & A, while zipping up his fly. Nothing better than a little bathroom humour.

In short, don't waste it. TIFF is about amazing filmmaking from around the word that you wouldn't get a chance to see otherwise. Embrace the culture of intelligence and surround yourself with talent.

Or actually, don't. You stand in crowds. I'll sit with the stars.

**NOTE: Re: Subject Line. See Sarcasm Comment From Previous Postings